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Daily joke for the forum

Discussion in 'It's All Fun and Games' started by FossilHead, Feb 15, 2016.

  1. FossilHead

    FossilHead Staff Member

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    So, Max Factor mascara makes eyelashes appear 3 times longer...?
    Sure wish they made condoms!

     
  2. Mebs

    Mebs Active Member

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    Bahahaha

    Good idea for a thread Fossil ;)
     
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  3. FossilHead

    FossilHead Staff Member

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    Did you hear about the gay guy who put a nicotine patch on his dick?



    He went down to two butts a day.
     
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  4. Corvid

    Corvid Active Member

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    That's terrible, I love it!
     
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  5. FossilHead

    FossilHead Staff Member

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    Thank you, kind sir, thank you.
    I shall be here all week :rolleyes:
     
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  6. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    There was a sale on lesbian flooring at B+Q, no screwing involved, its all tongue and groove.
     
  7. Mebs

    Mebs Active Member

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    Oh dear, looks like we have descended already haha. Keep up the good work guys ;)
     
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  8. FossilHead

    FossilHead Staff Member

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    A long one:

    An army sergeant walks into a whorehouse and approaches the madam and says, "I'm here for a woman!"

    The madam escorts the soldier upstairs and selects the best call girl they have for him.
    The Sgt Major immediately disrobes and is standing with his hands on his hips while he looks at the prostitute waiting for him in the bed. He says, "Girlie, I been in the army thirty years, and I'm a master of my mind and body. ‘Dick, ATTEN-SHUN!’”

    Immediately his penis becomes instantly erect!

    The prostitute sits up in bed, still keeping herself covered, and asks how he can do it. The Sgt Major replies, "I've been in the army thirty years and I have total control over my mind and body. ‘Dick, AT EASE.’"

    His penis immediately goes limp.

    The prostitute still can't get over what she saw and asks him to make it hard then soft then hard again.
    The Sgt Major shouts, “‘Dick, ATTEN-SHUN!’” His penis goes instantly hard.

    The prostitute throws back the covers and jumps to the end of the bed, completely naked, in order to get a closer look.

    The Sgt Major then shouts, “‘Dick, AT EASE.’” His penis remains fully erect. The Sgt Major is now fuming, and yells, "I'm going to tell you one more time, AT EASE!"

    No luck. His penis is still hard as a canon barrel.

    He yells "Fine, damn you!" and starts to masturbate vigorously.

    The prostitute asks, "Uhm, what are you doing now"
    The Sgt Major replies, "This soldier disobeyed a direct order, and I'm giving him a dishonorable discharge!"
     
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  9. FossilHead

    FossilHead Staff Member

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    Another long one, sorry

    An engineer dies, and when he gets to the Pearly Gates, St. Pete redirects him downstairs. He's confused, but also quickly hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it, and things cool down quickly. The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it so that people can get from place to place more easily. The TV’s were all grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.

    This goes on for a bit, with the engineer working on every little issue in Hell.

    One day, God decides to look down to see how his grand design is working out, and notices that everyone is happily enjoying umbrella drinks.

    He asks the Devil, “What is going on?!”

    The Devil says, "Aw, things are great down here since you sent us an engineer, thanks!"

    "What?" says God. "An engineer? I didn't send you one of those. That must have been a mistake. Send him back upstairs immediately."

    The Devil responds, "No way! We’re keeping the engineer, we like him."

    God demands, "He is coming back up, and if you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"


    The Devil laughs and says, "And just where are You going to get a lawyer?"
     
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  10. Corvid

    Corvid Active Member

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