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Female Language Translator

Discussion in 'Dating, Friendships, and Relationships' started by BurtMeister3000, Feb 17, 2016.

  1. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    Article source

    Okay, so as some of you may or may not be aware, that women seem to have a language all of their own. They say one thing and mean something completely different and for the average guy, this can prove to mean the difference between a peaceful life and an uncomfortable one sleeping on the sofa.

    So here is the BurtMeister approved Female Language Translator....

    She says:- "Does my bum look big in this?"
    She means:- "Please tell me how wonderful my bum looks (get this one wrong and its curtains!)"

    She says:- "You like cats don't you?"
    She means:- " "we" are getting a cat and bugger your feelings!"

    She says:- "Ooh do you think that super hot girl is pretty?"
    She means:- "Tell me I'm prettier than that girl over there or we are having an argument that might last days and I will randomly bring it up during future arguments"

    She says:- "Its okay go out and get smashed with your mates"
    She means:- "You better not go out with your friends tonight, I'm feeling all vulnerable and girly"

    She says:- "What would you like for dinner?"
    She means:- "I want this for dinner, but I'm not going to tell you what it is, you must guess!"

    She says:- "Its fine"
    She means "Its most definitely not fine"


    If you can think of any others feel free to add to the list
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2016
  2. FossilHead

    FossilHead Staff Member

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    You ask: "What's wrong, babe?"
    She replies: "Nothing."
    She means: "OH, I am pissed. There is definitely something wrong, it is likely your fault, and you are going to have to pry the information out with a winch........or else!"
     
  3. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    Just added a link to the new article at the top of the first post. Just having a mess around with this one.
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2016
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  4. Mebs

    Mebs Active Member

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    It is actually crazy at how accurate these are. So many women are guilty as charged of these.

    She says: "What are you wearing tonight"
    She means: "I really hope the fuck you haven't planned on wearing that outfit you eejit".

    She says: "What would you like to order from the takeaway"
    She means: "I really only want one thing and will reject every other option until you pick the one thing I wanted".

    She says: "Who are you out with?"
    She means: "If there is even a scent of a female in your presence, I will string you up by the balls and leave you hanging".

    She says: "Oh, I think [insert any friend name here] is in town tonight".
    She means: "I am inviting my friend to meet up with us, where we will mostly be boring the shit out of you about discussions of people you don't know and if you have a problem with that there will be WWIII".
     
  5. Corvid

    Corvid Active Member

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    Woman: "It's ok to talk about your feelings. Why can't men cry? What are they afraid of?"
    Man: "Well actually I..."
    Woman: "You need to man up, you're such a moaner/complainer".
    Woman with friends later: "I can't believe he said that, OMG! Yes, he's a bit soft, dump his ass, get yourself a real man".

    This "feelings" statement and reaction is so common, I was thinking of making a cartoon out of it. :holdit:
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2016
  6. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    She says:- "I don't want anything for Valentines day, don't worry about it"
    She means " If this isn't the best Valentines gift yet, I'm going to set fire to your beloved van!"
     
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  7. Corvid

    Corvid Active Member

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    She says: I think we should go halves.
    She means: You should definitely pay my half. I might protest a bit to save face, but you're paying bub.
    She says: You're boring.
    She means: Please put on your giant clown shoes and shiny red nose and cavort about for my amusement. Otherwise, open your wallet.
    She says: You're cheap.
    She means: I want you to bring me to expensive places for free.
    She says: You make me feel cheap.
    She means: You are attempting to extract intercourse without paying the requisite dues. Obviously, when all the men were being lectured on the foundations of civilised pair bonding, you were in the shitter.
    She says: We've drifted apart.
    She means: I've been going out to clubs with my girlies and I've drifted into the arms of someone better.
    She says: I want a nice guy.
    She means: I want a nice looking guy who's a bit of an asshole, but that I can train to be respectful and loving only to me, like some Cesar Milan dog whisperer shit.
    She says: I'm cold.
    She means: Inside my chest beats the mechanical heart of a ruthless assassin of love.. JK-She means: Turn on the heating or put your arm around me.
    She says: I hope you like my family.
    She means: I hope everyone in my family considers you socially acceptable except for my Dad.
    She says: "There's this (item, bauble) I like, but it's far too expensive.
    She means: Start saving bitch.
    She says: My mother's coming to visit to give me a hand with the kids.
    She means: Code blue. Mom is moving in. Nothing you do is ever going to be good enough for her. You're not raising our kids right. You don't earn enough money. You're now going to be taking orders from someone who smells vaguely of piss.
    She says: I want a divorce.
    She means: Ka-ching bitches!
    She says: You never listen.
    She means: Pay attention while I tell you the same story multiple times to gauge any differences in your reaction. You might have seen similar techniques on Law and Order.
    She says: I love you, I want us to be together forever.
    She means: You'll do for now you smelly bastard.
    She says: Has your mother arrived yet?
    She means: Judging by the slight delay, your mother's bus may have hit a tree. I am preparing a suitable looking reaction.
    She says: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
    She means: How much money do you think you'll have in 5 years, so I can start planning how to spend it now.
     
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2016
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  8. FossilHead

    FossilHead Staff Member

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    bwaahahaha!!!
     
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  9. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    Pahahahaha, that was funny as hell!
     
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  10. FossilHead

    FossilHead Staff Member

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    What a woman says: We need to talk.

    What a woman means: You have fecked up in an even more major way than usual, since you pretty much screw up all the time. This is going to be kind of like a police interrogation, except you have no rights and you don’t get to leave to go home. This is going to be long and painful, but you have no choice in the matter. Be honest, and this will all go easier for you….unless I don’t like the truth, in which case it could very well go much worse for you. No matter what, though, you’re in the doghouse for a couple of weeks, minimum….and you aren’t getting any for at least that long!
     
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