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How to Be Good At Being Single??

Discussion in 'Dating, Friendships, and Relationships' started by Master-gauge, May 31, 2016.

  1. Corvid

    Corvid Active Member

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    Sounds like you have a bad case of "one-itis". That girl is just a girl. You might say that I don't know her like you do, but do you really know her or just see her through a frame that no one else does? If so, it's really your own vision of her that you love and find to be unique. One-itis can take time to get over, I've had cases of it a few times in my teens and 20s, now, not so much. It pops up with lower intensity, then goes away after a few weeks. See it for what it is, even though it's hard, even though the concept might be uncomfortable or seem wrong.

    I don't think there's a "one" for people, it's a romcom, or rom-novel concept. You could fall just as deeply in love with a multitude of different women, if you spent enough time close to them, got talking to them and found common ground. When a woman gets near to you within your physical space, she's emitting pheromones that strongly influence your conscious mind. Love is biological more than mental. One day, you'll look back on that girl, see the inherent difficulties you would have faced in a relationship with her and be grateful that fate pulled you in another direction. This video offers more insight into one-itis.


    Have you heard of a "White Knight"? Couldn't get a specific video relating to it, but I believe that understanding it would be of benefit to you. Men have a protective instinct towards women, we want to help them, support them, protect them. Women know this, and use it to their advantage, but as a rule, they do not respect men who White Knight for them, and are not usually sexually attracted to them, unless as a means to an end. Meaning, if they're in dire need of something, they might sleep with a man to get it from him, but it's not going to be on the long term. These days, a woman doesn't need to sleep with men to get them to serve her. She has friendzoned White Knights to use when she needs something like money, furniture moved, cars fixed, DIY jobs done, help with college assignments, etc. White Knights, or "Nice Guys" are friendzoned and discarded quickly and easily, even on a whim.
    http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=White%20Knight%20Syndrome
    https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=white+knights
     
    Last edited: Jun 1, 2016
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  2. Master-gauge

    Master-gauge Well-Known Member

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    Yup, I know of the White Knight Syndrome.. There are a lot of music videos dedicated to it, lol.. I agree this is a case of "oneitis", but it will not go away when she is around me.. If she is not there I don't think about her that often if at all, but if she is around it's like a flood of feelings every time.. And it's been that way for 4 years now.. Something that really does bother me is the not knowing "why" out her?? Very secretive and weird about it... She was the one engaging me at the first and I was reciprocating and that was fine for her.. But that question of going out to the movies sent her into orbit.. If I was given a decent answer to that question it would likely help.. The secretive would drive anyone nuts..

    I've never had the issue before like this, sure there are women this guy run's into and u get a "temporary admiration" I call it for them.. But that only last a short time before the "Nah, no point in asking" thoughts come in, because it is seen as wasting time or wouldn't workout long term..

    My question is really how do u become comfortable in your own skin and enjoy life by yourself.. Example: how do people hop on a plane and go to the Bahamas' for a week alone and still enjoy it?? There is the safety factor of group travel for one..

    This time next year there could be a misses gauge, no one knows for sure.. I'm just looking for the "comfortable in my own skin" suggestions.. Because I don't see it happening now personally.. I've been single for years and most of the friends have dropped off due to life.. So the world is getting smaller for me and I basically do everything on my own as it is.. I don't go to many events anymore because u are there by yourself and that does suck... I feel it's limiting me to people and opportunities.. But then again, people are crazy!! haha
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2016
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  3. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    Did any of the other women you had a temporary thing for approach you or just the one your having difficulty getting over?

    If this is the case, I feel maybe its because it was she that shown an interest in you instead of you going to do the chasing maybe?

    I think also, its simply oxytocin, the bonding chemical in the brain responsible for the good feelings you get when around this person. Its an addiction to the feel good attachment chemical, not your fault, we all have this and these hormones serve a purpose for our species otherwise we wouldn't have them.

    I mentioned it before, about meditation, I genuinely believe it could help you. Its the only way I know of to find peace and not be controlled by external/internal factors to find happiness in simplicity in the present.
     
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  4. Master-gauge

    Master-gauge Well-Known Member

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    I would say that would be near 50/50 for approaching.. Me initiating the other half of the time.. They were all friendly and things were taken lightly, still acquainted with 1 or 2.. The way a normal approach to "check someone out" should be.. It was mostly me that kind of put the brakes on, as with the PE size thing was the real issue there at the time, I didn't want to feel embarrassed about it (same story we hear a 1000 times) so I would slam on the brakes before we got to that point.. Looking back on some of them I really regret it now, some were real "Purdy" and had the right personality to go with it.. There where some great ones out there at one time.. Today's litter kind of scares the crap out me!! haha

    I felt it was a mutual thing... She was showing her hand to me so to speak, and her only having some clue-knowing I was in fact interested in her the whole time.. One would think slam dunk.. I thought to myself "it's u all along"... And it was great until I popped the question of going on a date... She was given lots of space and time, as I didn't want to be pushy with her..

    The meditation thing goes with the martial arts back round of mine, but it actually so damn hard to shut the brain off for a bit to do it.. One thing I found that does help me do that is drawing.. Get lost in a doodle for an hour or so..

    I will be having sex again, I don't doubt that.. I just feel now like the bigger unit is just a bitter victory as I won't be sharing with that one in particular.. It's been suggested to me before too that going on POF etc. and just flirt-chat, maybe a date or 2 would help me.. But I have my doubts there.. I will likely try btw..
     
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  5. Mebs

    Mebs Active Member

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    Great responses from the two guys!

    I think I am around similar age as you MG so understand the friends dropping off around me. Marriage and family. Numbers become more sparse but you have to make new friends and people to socialise with. A partner does two things - provide a relationship/friendship to do things with and then sexually. If you got sexually covered with hook ups and casual relationships,then you only have to really worry about ensuring you have friendships and people to do things with.

    In relation to your holiday question: I have travelled and wenton tonnes of holidays by myself and these were actually the best trips of my life. People are more opwn to approaching and befriending solo travellers so you make new friends and get into situations you otherwise would not by yourself.

    I believe enjoying life by yourself comes being able to live and enjoy your own company. Instead of worrying about societal constructs and ideals of what constitutes a happy or successful life (i.e. marriage and kids), create your own. Go out,sit in the sun for an hour or two,enjoy being by yourself,enjoy not having to make chit chat,enjoy being able to think and relax by yourself,enjoy the solitude,enjoy the moment you are in and enjoy not having to conform to what someone else wants you to do.
     
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  6. Master-gauge

    Master-gauge Well-Known Member

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    Definitely agree there Meb's, be your "own".. I have not much choice of peeps to hang with, between family and the guys leaving here for work abroad, it's been "beer night" by myself for a long while now.. When 30 hits it's like sheading a skin of youth.. Everyone is doing there own things.. I am happy to say thought recently I have met a few more guys at work the same age and a little older that are interested in me hanging with them.. (They were working away and now are home).. It was refreshing for new people to hang out with..

    Basically I watched the video again and the theme of the story, for me anyway was:
    Don't get married, kids are optional, and sleep with as many women as u like not getting too close to any.. Marriage to one person today has almost become unacceptable.. The 30's are the new 20's and the 40's are the new 30's..

    After her being a d*ck bag to me there is no way now I can bother with her.. I was too nice the first time.. We should hold classes on how to be a**holes to women so the love us :devilish:.. lol JK.. I way too nice thou, and that was likely the problem..
     
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  7. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    Shutting the brain off is one of the main goals of it. I have a bit of an over active brain some times and its nice to be able to view your own thoughts as external, let them settle and not start to affect you emotionally. I think its definitely important to take that time for yourself.

    Drawing is great too! I used to love art and since getting a graphic pad yesterday, I have been trying to do animations with a free program called pencil2d. You can do the drawing with a mouse, but its more of an exercise in frustration if you don't have the pad. The one I got is pretty small and I wished I'd went for the bigger size, but it will do for now.
     
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  8. Master-gauge

    Master-gauge Well-Known Member

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    Sounds interesting Burty, I've never tried anything for artwork on the PC.. Just the typical CAD stuff with the younger days and trade work.. Since I don't know much about this, are there any really good art programs where I can pick up a stylist and have at it?? I would l think I would need something like a tablet??

    I know of a younger blonde that I haven't actually been intro'd to yet.. She is young 21-24 range, petite and very pretty.. That kind of stops me a bit... (I'm going to be 35, and I remember the mentality of the early 20's I had still, lol).. She knows of me and has run into me a few times.. I get the "once over" every time she does, plus I catch her taking "flirty peaks" at me when she thinks I'm not looking.. She is shy and quite I'm told, but loves to be involved and have fun at social things.. She likely would be a good fit for me.. I've been thinking it over and I might just put it out there for her some time if given the chance.. Might break this BS that has plagued me with the ginger.. And if she accepts, I have someone that is younger and prettier "arm candy" to rub it in when I'm out.. If she is how they say she is.. I could see a possible long term.. I know her sister's as I went to school with them.. And both are very nice, level headed people that love a good laugh..
     
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2016
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  9. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    I downloaded Pencil from here http://www.pencil2d.org/. Its good for beginners and I'm still learning with it. It has a cool onion skin feature, so when you go to your next page/movement, you can see a faint outline of your previous drawing so you can adjust it slightly and make your animation smooth.

    Hey, I wouldn't worry about the age thing too much. Girls seem to go for older guys, always have I reckon. Go for it and have fun!
     
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  10. Master-gauge

    Master-gauge Well-Known Member

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    I think if I was going to start a family (not likely at this stage).. I would go about 25 or so, someone needs enough youth to chase the buggers!! lol..
     
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