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How to deal with manipulators

Discussion in 'Dating, Friendships, and Relationships' started by Corvid, Mar 22, 2016.

  1. Mebs

    Mebs Active Member

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    "“I’m sorry I was late to work, I’ve been having these terrible headaches. I should have told you about the awful pain I’ve been experiencing. I was looking for aspirin or anything really…but you’re right, I should have taken the time to phone during my migraine.”
    Ugh. Do not apologize for expecting someone to be responsible for their own actions. Do not allow them to manipulate your emotions like that. In the situation above, you can be sorry that they are having headaches, but remind them they still need to be on time. You can be firm without being confrontational."

    Wow, yes, came across shit like that way too many times. You bring someone up on their shitty behaviour and it gets reversed around and you are the worst person in the world because you didn't take into account x, y, or z going on in their life. Interesting article, some other good points in it. The point on guilt-leveraging is crazy, start higher with something you know the person will not do and guilt them into doing something that you had planned for them to do all along... that one is fecked up, seen it happening a lot throughout my years. A lot in the article is very vague though and there is a lot of overlap with just shitty people rather than emotional manipulators. I think a lot of the stuff said in this thread is a lot more accurate and detailed about manipulation than this article. A lot of the points were like emm, okay, maybe, a little bit of manipulation there, but it is just a cruddy person instead really.
     
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  2. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    One of my mates did something similar once after his Mrs beat him over the head with a Chelsea brick and then getting in his face saying "you better not hit me". He said something like "yes, its all my fault, I understand completely now and have a lump to remind me not to do "whatever" again". I think in this instance and similar its fair game, people shouldn't be hitting. But not a fan of manipulators who just do this crap to mess with people.
     
  3. Corvid

    Corvid Active Member

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    This is the most relevant bit for me:
    "They will make you think you can trust them, because “they trust you”.
    When one first meets an emotional manipulator, you might not immediately notice their shifty ways. Eventually, they will open up to you by either sharing a tragic story or deeply personal information. This type of behaviour is meant to suck you in and make you feel like “wow, this person really trusts me with this.” They want to make you see them as vulnerable, which is the last thing they are. Once they’ve got your sympathy and attention, they’re all set to move on to another tactic."
    I read that and I was like YES!
    Some of the posts in this thread are better constructed, like I was saying to you before, most social media articles on manipulative psychology are rather poor. This article isn't perfect, but having known a few manipulators up close, they do EVERYTHING on that list. The point is that it doesn't always look and feel like manipulation when they're doing it, some of them are so good that up to 3/4 of the people they meet won't detect what the manipulator is doing. Over time, a trend appears, or just one day you realise that this person is always the victim, always jealous and competitive with you, misrepresenting their intentions, using victim narratives, sob stories and early sudden personal revelations to forge trust.. It's a nail on the head article for my experience with them.

    This bit though: "My personal experience has taught me to avoid emotional manipulators whenever possible- I simply don’t have the energy to feed into their bullshit any longer. The best thing you can do is walk away from any behaviour or attitude that doesn’t serve you. But, occasionally, it’s not a bad idea to tell someone that they are being a manipulative asshole and you are onto them."
    The start of that paragraph is bang on, but confronting them is a bad idea 9.5 times out of 10. They fear exposure more than anything else and are usually surprisingly driven when it comes to manipulating people. If you confront them, or even show that you don't believe them, they will try to ruin your credibility and socially isolate you. I think this is partly some kind of revenge, and partly defensive on their part. The influence they can have on other people is very destructive.

    I'm going to share another case study soon featuring a hardcore manipulator. This person tried to destroy a guys life, stalked him, spread vicious rumours and victim narratives about him, and made a false police report obtaining a restraining order against him, which got him a record and cut him off from more than half his social life.
     
    Last edited: May 25, 2016
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  4. Corvid

    Corvid Active Member

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    Haha, what's a Chelsea brick?
     
  5. Mebs

    Mebs Active Member

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    It is from Chelsea, I don't think we want to know :D
     
  6. Corvid

    Corvid Active Member

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    It's probably a normal brick caked in make up and featuring several botched attempts at plastic surgery..
     
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  7. Mebs

    Mebs Active Member

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    Oh yes, definitely, the old "you can trust meeeeeeee" snake-pit invitation. Jeez, as a quite trusting person I had to second-guess myself on quite a number of occasions throughout my life with this one. "should I... shouldn't I... trust... them?" If my first gut instinct isn't that its fine to say x, y or z to a person, then usually my mouth will shut the fook up usually it is an unwise move to make. More often than not though, when someone says something like "go on tell me, you can trust me", a knee-jerk reaction is to question why exactly they want you to disclose said information to them without you voluntarily giving up this information of your own accord.

    Yup, I think we have spoken about this before Corvid - times where you know damn straight that no good can come of allowing the manipulative person an opening to attack you. I have encountered people throughout my life that when confronted or brought up on their behaviour, go out of their way to ruin a person. I have witnessed it from the day I entered the playground and will witness it until the day I die.

    In Ireland, we have an expression, where we just know that a manipulative person will rest at no costs to bring others down and crush them if they disagree or interfere with their persona; we may say that "x is dangerous". Everyone knows what is meant by it, that they are manipulative, rather than physically dangerous or violent, although that is not always removed from the equation either.

    ouuuu hardcore manipulator, sounds like a metal band! Look forward to hearing the story :)
     
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  8. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    Its a folded over screwed up newspaper. You get hit with one and it feels like a brick. Kinda like a prison weapon.
     
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  9. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    Called a Millwall brick here, football hooligans used them.

     
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  10. Corvid

    Corvid Active Member

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    Next week on The Plan of Attack - How to make a nifty slasher knife using only a toothbrush, razor blade and a cigarette lighter..o_O :whistling: :thumbsup: (y)
     
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