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How to deal with manipulators

Discussion in 'Dating, Friendships, and Relationships' started by Corvid, Mar 22, 2016.

  1. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    You know, I wouldn't mind reading a thread like that! Purely for education purposes of course.:laugh:
     
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  2. Corvid

    Corvid Active Member

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    Man, have been through that internal debate as often as yourself down the years. And, over time, from my experience, it seems that you can't trust most people you meet. A few times down the years, not trusting at all seems like an attractive option.. BUT, was reading an article about trust recently saying that even though you can't trust most people, you have to trust a lot and fail in order to meet the people that you can actually trust in life. Kind of in line with the Victor Frankl unavoidable human suffering mindset.

    I think a handful if people in your life that you can trust is enough. It seems like the difficulties you face in life reveal to you who you can trust, and rather than getting annoyed over people that let us down, it's better to look at those situations as a learning experience. Not going over and over all the situations where people let you down, late at night when you can't sleep...














    And if you figure out how to do that, teach me. :thumbsdown:
     
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  3. Corvid

    Corvid Active Member

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    Just came across this great video by Sandman. He covers manipulative gossip, manipulative women ruining men's credibility and trying to socially isolate them, and also has a few words on trusting people. It's one of his better videos and lines up with the last few posts of this thread, feeding in to the next posts that are coming up soon.

    It's important for men to be aware of what happens in the aftermath of relationships and friendships with women, how men and women alike will turn or be turned against the male ex, leaving him socially isolated, discredited and even dishonoured. Sandman points to this as a cause of post breakup suicide in men, which is at a high rate.

    Many of us already know that during a relationship women will try to cut the man off from single and "non female approved" friends, and after the relationship ends, she often tries to salvage most of the shared common friends for herself using manipulative gossip, exaggerated victim narratives, and stories which leave out any context and her own preceding bad behaviour. With this in mind, there are a few things that some men do to protect themselves from these problems:
    • Date women in different areas than your home area. This limits the damage a scorned woman can do to your credibility and social life.
    • Maintain your long term friends no matter how hard your partner tries to cut you off from them. Remember, she might be great now, but your friends will still be there after she's gone - IF you put in the effort to maintain the friendship. If she creates drama and makes it difficult to see your friends at all, a phone call or email every now and then to your friends will often be enough to maintain your friendships until such time as you can access your friends again personally with ease.
    • Compartmentalise - Keep your worlds separate. Have different groups of friends in different places, and don't encourage or enable a meeting, or even direct knowledge between the groups.(Seems extreme, right? I have a friend who does this all the time. I used to do it too, until 2 years ago when I introduced a female friend from one small group into another larger one... in my home area. It ended up like the worst parts of the bible, and resulted in the loss of many of my friends at that time - except for my best ones, thankfully, who were separate from those groups.) Keep in mind that a manipulative woman will try to SOCIALLY ISOLATE a man she has a grievance with. That means ALL his friends, all the ones she knows about. She'll phone them, send them messages on social media, spread rumours through other people,and all of this with unexpected determination and commitment.
    Interestingly, Sandman points out that the nicer or more upstanding the man is, the harsher the manipulative gossip will be. This is because the ex lover/friend may not have any true bad stories to tell people, so she has to get creative with the truth. And also, the better the target is, the harder she has to work to ruin his image. So don't think for a second that a person can escape these kinds of attacks by being decent and fair. Ironically, the more decent the target is, the worse the narratives are going to be. In this case, actions don't speak louder than words, meaning even if the target is publicly well known to be a decent person, a powerful, emotive, manipulative victim narrative can effectively erase any perceived good he may have done in his social groups. Which is all the more reason to take care of your older, long term friends. They will know who you are, and will be less likely to be easily turned on you.

     
    Last edited: May 27, 2016
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  4. Teresa

    Teresa Guest

    Wow, amazing help, especially about 'gaslightening' , an how to defuse a monster inlaw, that tries to make you to believe that your husband left lady clothes in her home, etc;. Thanks so much. I'll stay away as much as possible.
     
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  5. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    I think its important to remember they are game players, play along but don't be played. :thumbsup: (y)
     
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  6. Cosmolot24

    Cosmolot24 Member

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