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Should men cry?

Discussion in 'Spiritual and Mental Well Being' started by Mebs, May 2, 2016.

  1. Mebs

    Mebs Active Member

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    This is the topic of my latest article that can be found here: https://www.theplanofattack.com/big-boys-dont-cry/

    In it, I ask the question if we should be allowed to cry; if there is anything wrong with crying as a guy; the harmful effects of creating a male identity that is both contrary to nature and counter-productive to our progression as a gender.

    What are your thoughts?
     
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  2. Party

    Party Well-Known Member

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    I cry quite frequently, but I also suffer from bouts of depression. Most recently a day after my wife's colonoscopy and the discovery of precancerous polips. Still waiting to hear the test results. I just started thinking about losing her and couldn't help it. Luckily I was alone in the hot tub so I didn't upset her.
     
  3. Mebs

    Mebs Active Member

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    Thanks for sharing Party. I really hope your wife is okay and that she gets good care in hospital. It is a tough time for you to be going through,if you need someone to talk to drop me a PM or post it here.
     
  4. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    Nice write up!

    Completely agree this is only taught to boys and I feel it may have had some historical significance. Maybe along the lines of if you had to go fight and die in one of our past world wars, crying and feeling sorry for yourself may well have have meant the difference between life and death. Today I think to some extent being able to control your emotions is important to a degree, but repressing emotion is never a good thing. If you repress your feelings and bury them, I feel they will at some point come to the surface from frustration, usually in the form of lashing out.

    Personally, I feel the opposite could well be truer. If you express your emotion immediately and move on, instead of living up to some external imagined standard of what it is to be a man, you will be free. If you bottle up your feeling and suppress it, it is still bothering you and you will be controlled by it.

    Of course not opposing ones natural feelings are important, I think guys in our imaginativeness though, learned to vent their internal feelings via physical exertion/sports etc as our feelings just simply aren't as important to society as women's are. This to me is fine, but I don't always live by society's rules, so if something has upset me and I shed tears, people can get fucked if they try to tell me what I should or shouldn't be doing according to their standards.

    You can pretty much bet though, if a guy cries, that there is something very wrong due to our social conditioning. I think it is actually a manly thing to do, simply because it goes against the grain of what others think men should be. We are what we were designed to be - men. This is etched in our very DNA and no act that we perform in our lifetimes will change this, so expressing the full range of human emotion is to live a fuller life in my opinion.
     
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  5. FossilHead

    FossilHead Staff Member

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    Well-said, Burty!

    I am busy at work right now, but hope to be able to check out the article soon.......
     
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  6. lilbigman

    lilbigman Well-Known Member

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    It is very rare that I cry personally. I am a very positive person and rarely get sad or depressed. It would have to be a crushing blow to bring on tears. Although a severe tooth ache will do it. My god, those can be horrible! I swear that is the most painful thing I have ever experienced.
     
  7. Party

    Party Well-Known Member

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    I've never cried from Physical pain, guess I've gotten used to constant pain, need both knees replaced. Only from pain in my heart and soul, much worse I think. I can enderstand way people in chronic pain want to die though, had a syatic nerve issue in my ass for a week, constant, no relief, couldn't sleep, so exhausted I wanted to die. Never again. I've told my wife I will never be a burden to her, long before I'm on life support I'll take care of it myself. I visited my cousin in the ICU, tubes I Vs, breathing machine, etc. never!

    In a lucid moment earlier, his 23 yr hold son was with him, he couldn't talk, but he flipped his son off. His son told me his Dad was pissed with him about something, I didn't say but YES, he was mad you have let him live, He Wants To Go. His pain and expectations for a normal life were over. He didn't want to be a burden anymore.
     
  8. FossilHead

    FossilHead Staff Member

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    Great article, Mebs !
     
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  9. Corvid

    Corvid Active Member

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    Good article Mebs. Should men cry, is it "ok" for men to cry..? Short answer no, long answer yes. As a young lad, if you cry, people will not respect you, you are more likely to be attacked and shamed. When I cried, my Dad called used to say: "go away out of that ya auld mollie ya". People would attack me more frequently, and would name call more. It's better not to cry in public ever.

    However, I think a man should feel comfortable crying in private. I used to feel guilty about doing that, even if the circumstances were dire. Now I don't feel the same way about it. I don't cry often, maybe once or twice a year, hahaha, but it's rare I'll expose myself when doing it.

    If anyone wants to tell young men and boys that it's ok to cry, I'd favour a pragmatic, realistic approach to it, as opposed to the kind of things that New Age people and women frequently say. Women expect men to be a rock. An emotionless, indistinguishable piece of rock. You have the same tastes as other men, make the same jokes, and you don't show emotion or cry. Anything else a woman says about men crying/expressing emotion is a shit test to weed out any perceived weakness. So, don't cry in front of women ever unless it's one of the few times THEY consider it socially acceptable for a man to cry, like the death of a child or an other close relative.

    So, if young lads were to be taught about crying, that's what I'd tell them. It's fine to do it, but much better to do it alone because it's not a societal norm. Is that so bad? Nah, I mean, there are many things that every person does that they never do in public. And do I need to give examples... I fucking well hope not..
     
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  10. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

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    I hear what you are saying. You can pretty much expect no sympathy if you're a guy crying and I'm not advocating for walking around being an emotional blubbering mess all the time, you'd never get shit done and it serves little function. And I agree with the female shit tests being about trying to weed out emotional guys they perceive as weak. But why play the game that women want you to play or anyone for that matter? Achieving mental and emotional independence from what women/men/society says you should be and living by your own standards should be a man's goal, for surely this is the very definition of "to go your own way".

    Of course what works for other guys may well work for us, so I think its important to keep an open mind, but I feel its more the Zen approach to live in the moment and to experience the nature of life in the here and now and move on to the next free and unburdened by the previous.
     
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