1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

The generation that doesn't want relationships

Discussion in 'Dating, Friendships, and Relationships' started by Corvid, May 11, 2016.

  1. Corvid

    Corvid Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2016
    Messages:
    305
    Trophy Points:
    103
    http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/we-a...want-reltionships_us_572131a5e4b03b93e7e435d8

    Very well written article. Do you agree? Have you noticed these tendencies in people too? How do you be "real" with someone who runs for cover at the first sign of trouble? How do you open up to someone who's afraid to feel? How do you build a relationship with someone who always has one foot out the door?

    And what if that someone described above is you?
     
    BurtMeister3000 likes this.
  2. Corvid

    Corvid Active Member

    Joined:
    Feb 8, 2016
    Messages:
    305
    Trophy Points:
    103
    I first noticed this behaviour in women years ago. Instictively, I felt it might be a "bitch shield" and that below it they were just scared and cynical.

    But how do you reach people like that when they can't trust anyone enough to be open or direct? When there's more emphasis on the superficial rather than the real?

    After years of this, I admit I'm the same. I know that if I speak openly, ask personal questions or try to get too close to a gf, she's likely to get uncomfortable and rabbit. So I don't, and the absence of personal connection takes the core out of a relationship, rendering it mostly a detached sexual experience, which surprisingly, gets old after a time.

    The champions of this age are narcissists, people who smile and say the right things at the right time but don't really care about anyone but themselves and their image. People in modern friendships and the dating scene particularly seem to mimic these negative traits. But beneath it they're afraid of being hurt and left behind.
     
  3. FossilHead

    FossilHead Staff Member

    Joined:
    Feb 7, 2016
    Messages:
    1,054
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Location:
    Way back in the hills
    I have been out of the game too long to really have recognized changes in everything 'relationship-oriented' but I do very much believe your above comments have a great deal of merit......
    Definitely a narcissistic time we live in, currently, and many people do exhibit a "me, first" mentality about damn near everything. Unfortunately, that includes a greatly-decreased level of importance placed on family.
    In fact, I have one particular family member who has that, in spades, and if she has a choice between taking a trip/outing or coming to a family gathering, we know to not even expect a fecking postcard
     
  4. Mebs

    Mebs Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2015
    Messages:
    1,217
    Trophy Points:
    123
    I think the digital age has exacerbated this tenfold over the most recent years. Tinder gives people the flick of a screen,casual hook ups galore without much need for emotional involvement. There is certainly a growing disconnectedness in the dating pool. A major flaw in dating is "being yourself",you have to play so many emotional games and have your shield up to have any kind of success,even to a large degree even when you enter into a relationship.
     
    Master-gauge, Party, Corvid and 2 others like this.
  5. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2015
    Messages:
    1,618
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Where the eye can't see.
    I think its been that way for some time.

    I don't know if you can build a relationship with someone with one foot out the door, but you can probably have the consolation prize described in the article, but most likely it won't last.
     
    Master-gauge, Corvid and FossilHead like this.
  6. Master-gauge

    Master-gauge Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2016
    Messages:
    246
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Location:
    North of the Wall..
    I would say here burty, for about 20 years.. It seems like once 1995 rolled around things started going to poop for the "longer term" crowds locally.. There were a rash of divorces, cheating and screwing around.. It's bad enough now I think we need to invent a course for male's in "Douchebagary" just to survive women!! lol.. Could be profitable?? hummm.. The wheels are starting to turn mentally:sneaky:..
     
    Mebs and BurtMeister3000 like this.
  7. Mebs

    Mebs Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2015
    Messages:
    1,217
    Trophy Points:
    123
    No. Here is a common misconception. People think you are either a "nice guy" or else be a douchebag guy. WAY too black and white. I don't think,no - I know, no guy on here is saying be a douche to be successful. We are saying to keep your eyes open,your bigger brain in control of the little one,and don't feel you need to be the doormat or shit-stop for anyone. Believe me,calling women on their shit is better for you and women actually respect you more for it. It isn't "be a douche", it is more like - "take no shit".
     
    BurtMeister3000 likes this.
  8. BurtMeister3000

    BurtMeister3000 Staff Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2015
    Messages:
    1,618
    Trophy Points:
    113
    Location:
    Where the eye can't see.
    Exactly this!

    There are points in my life I have been a douche bag and there may be again, but there are points in my life where I have been the nice guy and there are points when I have been neither. I think its far too limiting to think one has to assume one of these roles for life, yet many people think in these terms. I suppose people like a static thing they can identify as this or that, but it can't really apply to a human for any length of time since we are changing and growing. If it were the case our prisons would never have different lengths of attendance for its guests, it would be just a life sentence for everyone no matter your crime, because you are an asshole with no possible chance of redemption.
     
    Mebs likes this.
  9. Master-gauge

    Master-gauge Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    May 25, 2016
    Messages:
    246
    Trophy Points:
    73
    Location:
    North of the Wall..
    I have been both to women in the past too burty.. And I have taken note of this treating them "Douchbag" like and they wanted more.. I always chalked them up as some wrong mentally with them, because I was being a dick, didn't bother with them anymore.. It's not my true character to act like a di*kbag towards people to begin with..

    It's a behaviour I had to learn.. I tried being really nice last time, and was refused and even shunned by her.. I'm told she has issues so I'm leaving it alone.. It's the first time I "let down the shields" in a long time.. Because of her, there back up and stronger then ever.. I got my inner D-Bag back..

    Case in point is my younger cousin.. She is married to a crack head people actually tried "off" a few times (yes that bad).. Everyone tried to warn her in HS to steer clear.. But the more people paid her mind, the more and more she became involved with him.. Now married for years, she has gained weight (she was extremely pretty in her younger days), smokes like crazy, is in a constant state of major stress, extremely volatile, and half baked herself..

    All for the sake of "I will change this bad boy" mentality that women have... Sorry sweetie, it's kind of a case of "u get what u get".. U can't hardly put an end to him being crazy, on drugs, and being an complete a**hole.. It's just another sad case.. Before him, she had a decent BF and was happy, boredom set in.. She was being treated well, not getting beat, etc..

    So for the women out there thinking they can change a**hole guys.. There is a life lesson right here.. Her life is ruined until she decides to leave, then she has to fear for it after..

    Stick with nice guys, it's boring, but a hell of a lot safer...
     
    BurtMeister3000 likes this.
  10. Mebs

    Mebs Active Member

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2015
    Messages:
    1,217
    Trophy Points:
    123
    Yeah there is definitely an element of that to it,women going for guys that are dickbags.

    Nice guys tend to take more shit from women so they often need to learn how to not! Boredom is the key thing rather than niceness or asshole'ness. Its just aasholes are often more interesting,unpredictable and so on. Likewise a nice gut can still be interesting,sporadic and keep them interested. I think bending over backwards for women or being overly nice is going to backfire.
     
    BurtMeister3000 and Master-gauge like this.